Read my article on Reflective Listening
The San Francisco Marriage and Couples CenterI hold the view that relationship difficulties challenge you and your partner to grow. Within this developmental model, all parts are welcome. This is in contrast to the pathology model that something is broken. Through couples therapy, I can help you and your partner learn new ways to navigate the conflicts that arise over and over again. By learning the deeper attachment meaning of one's actions, we can get past the repetition and to the root of the disconnect.
As a couples therapist, I enjoy helping couples who are struggling with issues of communication, connection, and trust. As a neutral third party I am able to help you and your partner untangle troublesome patterns of interaction so you can see what's getting in the way of a thriving partnership. Whether you come in on your own, or as a couple, you will learn new tools that help you navigate your relationship with more grace.
Perhaps you have tried therapy before and it wasn’t as helpful as you had hoped. Many couples come to me after previous failed attempts because they need a clinician experienced enough to pinpoint the underlying dynamics blocking progress. Couples counseling is truly a different modality than individual work. The basic training that all therapists undergo focuses primarily on individual treatment. There's just one class on couples work in an MFT graduate program. Therefore, extensive supplementary training and consultation specific to couples counseling is necessary to master working with multiple people in the room. It requires a more active style to slow a couple down from fighting like they do at home, or draw a conflict-avoidant couple out from their pre-existing pattern. I've always been drawn to the dynamic nature of couples therapy, demonstrated by my emphasis on couples work in my post-graduate training and practice.
My training as a couples specialist draws from the leading experts in the field, resulting in a balanced approach that supports attachment theory and healthy differentiation. My respected mentors include Harville Hendrix and Kelly Lakelly Hunt's Imago Therapy, Ellyn Bader's Developmental Model, Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Stan Tatkin's PACT Model, the research of the Gottman Institute, and Esther Perel. For many years, I belonged to a couples consultation group led by one of the leading couples therapists in the Bay Area.
Thriving relationships also benefit from pre-marital counseling by strengthening the foundation of the relationship. My training includes a pre-marital track that I recommend for all couples considering moving in together or deepening their commitment in some way.
Perhaps you need clarity to determine whether to break up or not. I hold no agenda. Perhaps you've already decided, but want to do so in a less destructive way than the traditional divorce litigation model (i.e. Conscious Uncoupling). I support each person in making healthy choices and provide the structure to move towards closure in a way that de-escalates reactionary interactions.
I welcome queer couples, non-binary couples, LGBT couples, polycules and polyamorous couples, ethical non-monogamous relationships (open relationships), sex workers, BDSM relationships, kinky couples, and all other marginalized communities and expressions of sexual diversity into my psychotherapy practice.
In my work with kink and BDSM relationships, I specialize in the exploration power dynamics and consent within the relationship structure. Kink can be a powerful way to renegotiate past trauma and reclaim personal power. When practiced consentually and mindfully, it can bring healing to those wounds.
I find that regardless of the format your relationship takes, there are some fundamental elements of relating to another that all humans strive for and struggle with in different ways.
